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MONKEYS GET UP EARLY

I'd thought that monkeys generally slept in at least until dawn, living the kind of treetop party life that they do. As for me, no longer living the party life I usually wake up around dawn and see no monkeys, but times are harder for us all, I guess. This morning I was up when it was still dark, and just in the first predawn light was making tea when I glanced out the window and saw a young simian strolling into my garden as though he owned the place, pointedly avoiding the Thai Dragons, jalapenos and tabascos and heading straight for the green beans. Apparently at least one monkey has developed a taste for them. At once I ran to the arsenal of ASBM (Anti-Simian Ballistic Missiles) stones I keep lined up along the rail of the deck, and launched one with a not very accurate throw. I missed (the vector factor is still under development), but the young simian was more amazed that I was up at this ungodly hour. His fellows were calling from the trees regarding his reconnaissance ("Any beans yet?" and suchlike), a lot of their calls very eerily sounding like "Bob," albeit in the very primitive pre-Bob form we ourselves used to use; still it's unsettling to hear one's name hooted out before five in the morning, mixed in with whoops and hollers from the depths of the forest. Anyway, with a steadily bettering aim I drove the monkey out of my garden, then went out and harvested what beans there were while the monkeys dissed me and discussed this odd turn of events among themselves. Then back to my tea. So aphorists take note: Early to bed and early to rise not only makes a man healthy wealthy and wise, it also keeps monkeys from his greenbeans.