GOT A SECOND?

I just found out through reliable and needless to say timely sources that 2005 is going to have an extra second added, and now I have to figure out what to do with it. I'm forever in need of more time, and all they can do is add one measly tick every seven years? Whatever happened to the time budget? They blow it with money, why not with time?

I know I'm being unreasonable, but a second just isn't worth the trouble. Why are those anonymous time guys being so stingy, doling out a single clock-click every yearweek. They put Scrooge to shame. And what ever happened to the leap month of weekends I strongly suggested years ago? Can't they get their chronic act together on behalf of all time lovers, even if only to save up those leap seconds, leap days and leap whatevers, then just add another day to every weekend?

These fussbudget sticklers for accuracy (what, is there a planetary train to catch?) add a “leap second” every seven years in an effort to keep us all in sync with the world's wobbly ways so that we don't slip backward calendarwise to the extent that in say 20 million years, what we think is Blue Monday is in fact payday Friday, and sadly all unknowing we're going off to work with a handful of change, when we should in fact be going flush to a big bash. It would also play hell with prime time, though without our having a clue that the paleoreruns we're watching should be BayWatch, not Pat Robertson. Timewarps can be hell.

To save us from such a fate, relentlessly every seven years we're saddled with just one additional second, big deal, so mark your calendars, 'cause you're gonna have to do an extra second of whatever it is, just like everybody else. I sure hope it's something nice.