Monday, May 12, 2008


BONSAI


You’ve heard of bonsai, the miniature trees perfected in Japan over centuries and now popular all over the world? We at Monsane Laboratories have compressed centuries into seconds, and with our research have developed just the things to go with those bonsai trees: a complete line of bonsai livestock!

It’s no longer a dream: now, in the privacy of your own metro lifespace, you can operate a bonsai farm! Spend leisurely moments each day, watching your bonsai herd graze your bonsai pastures beneath your bonsai trees! Think of the joy of waking each morning to the tiny crow of your bonsai rooster! There’ll be bonsai omelets! Bonsai cheeses! Bonsai burgers! And ultimately, bonsai shoes, even bonsai leather jackets!

And who are all these bonsai products for? Simply send us a small sample of your own cells for cloning, and we will send you a perfectly reproduced bonsai self! That’s right! Sit back in easy chair comfort and watch your self doing the back-breaking chores on your bonsai farm: mending bonsai fence, putting in bonsai crops, hunting bonsai varmints, tacking bonsai problems, digging into those bonsai steaks at the end of a hard bonsai day—all without lifting a finger!

Your friends will be amazed! And if you send us a small sample of their cells, we’ll send you a complete set of bonsai friends! To help out on the farm! So start collecting yourself and your friends today! Order promptly, and we will reproduce your family, absolutely free!
(All products patented Monsane Global Genetix Inc.)

6 comments:

ted said...

Quoth Steve martin, "Let's get small!"

joared said...

I'm thinking living in this virtual world -- I always did like minatures -- may be where we must seek refuge.

Chancy said...

I just know I have seen this ad on TV. All I had to do was call an 800 number and send $19.95 and I would also get, in addition to the bonsai, a free set of Ginsu Knives.

Bob Brady said...

Yes, Chancy, the world is already going Monsane...

Strangely though, I wrote this little piece 30 years ago...

Anonymous said...

Wow...
I had no idea about this kind of evil in 1978.
Strange that it is now real.

joared said...

Wow is right ... that you wrote it 30 years ago!