Wednesday, July 12, 2006


UNDERCLASSMAN


This morning when I was talking to the roofer, who had come to fix a winter ice-broken rooftile when we happened to be not at home (walking down by the lake to get some wild peppermint), he said that when he had arrived at the house (about 15 minutes after we'd left for the lake), the roof was covered with monkeys. Needless to say, the roof had been radiant with monkeylessness at the time of our departure, with no sign whatever of de facto imminent monkeyfulness.

This confirms my hypothesis that the hairy marauders have a comprehensive spy network linked to a garden watch committee. Our roof is never covered with monkeys while we are at home because the beasts know what will happen: they have it on their hard drives. The simian spies are watching and waiting for us to leave, when they signal the committee, which then gives the opposable thumbs-up to timely invasion by the entire tribe so as not to suffer the slings and arrows of apish fortune in the form of my accurate rocks, which accuracy I'm sure is factored into their finely tuned rampaging algorithm. That they do not so suffer is all the proof they need that they are in the right, as the hairy wind passes through my garden uncontested.

I sagely note that they glommed that last plum but did not touch the peppermint, lemon verbena, oregano, spearmint, lemon thyme, angelica, ginger, lemon balm, shisso, chives, St. John’s wort, Echinacea, basil, parsley, ginger or red pepper.

Slowly I acquire the necessary credits at Monkey University.

4 comments:

Maya's Granny said...

And when you have it figured out and can choose to either plant only what they don't like or plant some things they do like and know that they will raid, which will it be? Harvest the tomatoes earlier or just not plant any? Oh, the decisions a person has to make.

Joy Des Jardins said...

It looks like these hairy critters will continue to give you a run for your money Bob...however, I think you're up for the task; keep acquiring those credits.

Chancy said...

Robert..I am wondering if the monkeys who were group sitting on your roof are members of a secret organization akin to the SIB "Squirrels in Black". Perhaps the monkeys get points in the monkey organizational hierarchy, "Monkeys In Black" or "MIB" for this group roof sitting, gaining a number of points according to the time they remain on the roof thus outwitting their resident human.

Just a thought:

http://squirrelhazing.squirrelsinblack.org/

annie said...

From Expatica come this story out of Hartlepool, on the northeast coast of England:

"According to popular legend, a monkey dressed in a French uniform was...tried by local magistrates on suspicion of being a French spy. Because it did not answer questions they presumed the animal was guilty, and it was hanged from a lamppost."

Hmmmm...