SINGING HEADS

As part of my objective of keeping an eye or other body part on various aspects of progress in Japan, I have been on top of the toilet story in this country for some years now. In the flush of my most recent discovery I bring you the latest news from the cutting edge of the toilet seat (cue Star Wars theme): The TOTO Apricot Toilet Seat, with remote-control MP3 capability! What foresight!

What hindsight too! This is the toilet seat for the elite. In addition to the usual bottom-coddling features like seat heater, automatic washer (with hot water! We have one in the office!), electronically controlled seat parameters etc., the Apricot comes with an SD card slot (it's about time, says the Japanese consumer, we were getting bored in here!). This enables you to play MP3 files on your toilet, which doesn't seem to say much for MP3 files.

Yes, you too can listen to Madonna on the toilet by remote control. There are buttons for functions such as bideting and bottom drying, in addition to the regular Pause and Play buttons found on audio equipment, which I suppose could get confusing, physico-audio functionwise: here you're expecting your favorite tune by Metallica or Nine-Inch Nails and instead you get sprayed and dried. Or vice versa or worse.

The control panel can be mounted on the wall and will play sixteen of your favorite tunes if you want to spend that much time in there (Random playback, One Tune playback (if you've just gotta hear that one again) etc.). Could be the top ten or the top 5, or at bottom just a couple of quick jingles if you're in a hurry. Cost? $1750. Pretty steep for what used to be a hole in a board, but you're callin' the tune.

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For those seeking further details on this fascinating subject, here's more than all you ever wanted to know about Japanese toilets (Wooden toilet paper!?)