Wednesday, May 12, 2004


To my knowledge this is the first recorded mention of the apocalypse of dental background music, the psychic threat that such music can present to the dentally supine. Forget about elevators, laundromats, banks. This was apocalyptic not because it was background music, nor because it was in a dentist's office, nor yet a country dentist's office, nor yet in Japan, it was because the background music consisted of only one song, repeated over and over and over, and because that song was My Heart Will Go On, and because not only was the version played not sung by Celine Dion, which would have been apocalyptic enough, but because this version was performed on the panpipe, unceasingly, not stopping even long enough to allow one to confirm one's place in the scheme of things, panpipe whispery and throaty as lips are stretched and needles jab, panpipe piercing and shrill as masked faces loom, gloved thumbs are shoved in gums, drills whine My Heart Will Go On, shrill, shrill, as the anesthetic takes hold near, far, wherever you are, there are no words when the panpipe plays, but you know the words don't you, whether you know it or not, over and over, and unceasing pipes without words, like the drills, shrill on and on, like My Heart, like the minutes seconds hours must be days in the chair as things go numb all things except My Heart, which Will Go On, it's no wonder the Titanic went down, My Heart Will Go On but my teeth won't

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