STONELESS IN SHIGA

You are now looking at a guy who has no gallstones. See him dance and click his heels, arms in the air. Not that the gallstones were removed or anything.

I had been picturing large angular boulders grinding against each other down there in the dark of my GB, thinking maybe that if the stones were surgically removed I could get a nice 5-karat ring made or something - maybe with a matching bracelet - and when I went early this morning for an ultrasound check of the GB and general vicinity, the good doctor, who has an admirable sense of drama, when he neared the spot, said "Ah:--" (with a sharp uprising tone, the Japanese equivalent of "Well, well, well…")

I was awaiting some further professional comment, like "In all my years as a physician I've never seen the likes of this!" or "How did stones that size ever get in a space so small?" or "Nurse, hand me that hammer and chisel at once!" You could have cut the drama with a scalpel. But after a significantly extended pause of the type Shakespeare uses a lot, he said: "There are no stones in your gall bladder."

After dancing my way home like Gene Kelly without the rain, I now suspect that the whole GB episode was due to an extreme chocolate deficiency, aggravated by prolonged lack of pizza. I'm having another big slice of medicine right now.